We made it!

Yay! Either I am dreaming or we have made it through our first winter in Alaska. I have never been so happy to see springtime in my whole life! By all accounts, it was a record breaking winter. Now the mountains are beginning to reemerge and the ice is melting and what the locals call "Breakup" is well underway. The days are getting longer and warmer and spring has definitely arrived.

We moved into our own place the beginning of March. It is a older place that needs A LOT of work and is a far cry from the home we sold when leaving Oregon. But never have four walls and a roof meant so much to me in my entire life. I am so beyond thankful for this home it is had to express in words. I definitely wouldn't have made a good Israelite. After one year of a nomadic type life, I was beyond done three months before it was. So we are settled, or so it seems, here in Alaska. Let's hope the next winter holds off a few weeks :)

Out of This World (A symphonic guide to the solar system)

Date night in Anchorage last night included my first ever trip to the symphony. First ever. It was incredible! The Anchorage Symphony Orchestra (ASO) gave an amazing performance. Sitting there for the first time ever in a symphony performance left me feeling awestruck and a little jealous that I can't play a musical instrument. It is something I've always wanted to do. I haven't ever learned to play - either for lack opportunity or motivation who knows.

What I do know is an evening immersed in such cultural enrichment and with the kind of crowd that attends these events is so much more enjoyable than a regular music concert and all that comes with it. I have been to all kinds of concerts - from Fleetwood Mac to Alan Jackson and most anything in between. And they have all been enjoyable. But there is something about this symphony that awakened a love of the arts and orchestra in me. Not that I am the type to attend the symphony at every opportunity nor hold a membership, but I am glad to have had the opportunity to experience it merged with my love of creation and the solar system. It was also inspiring and incredible to see just how many children were brought by their parents to enjoy this as well. Bravo to you, parents! A great way to spend the night as a family.

Next stop: The Thomas Planetarium. Perhaps the winter and Anchorage won't be so hard to make it through after all. I am so glad there are these things available to enjoy. Thank you, ASO! By the way, the music played was from Mozart's 41st symphony and Gustav Holst's "The Planets" which was the part of the program accompanied by the images via slide projection set to the music. Listen to "Mars, the Bring of War" and you will hear some very familiar tunes from a certain Imperial March theme if you are Star Wars fan.

I wonder.

Sometimes I wonder. I wonder what he would have looked like. Or she. I would have loved a boy or a girl. What kind of parents would we have made? Would our baby be as beautiful as I imagine it to be?

There are things we can control in our lives and things we cannot. Parenthood for me falls into the later category. I was born not able to have children.

Is it cruel and unusual punishment? I don't think so. Is it desirable? Again, I don't think so. I wish I could make the decision to be a parent or not. How many should we have? How far apart in age? What will we name them? What about this? Or that?

I was fortunate to find one amazing husband. Borderline perfect to my eyes. He married me knowing what it meant. When we said "I do" it was to each other forever no matter what. And he said "I don't" to being a father. What man does this? Mine. That's who.

So do I wonder about what kind of mommy I would be. What would it be like to see the face of my child for the first time after all those months of anticipation? To hold them against me and learn their smell? To have them fall in love with me and I with them? To be their everything and them be mine? Of course I do. Yes, I wonder.

But one thing I don't have to wonder about is what it is like to be loved for who I am from the tips of my toes to the top of my graying head. That I know.

Anniversary Week Celebrations and Rememberances

It's been fifteen years (15!) since my baptism date. 1-11-1997. Where has the time gone? It's been a whirlwind. I don't think I can recall the many ups, downs and sideways adventures I've been on since that day until today. It is still the best decision I have ever, or ever will, make. Have I made the progress as a Christian I would wish for myself at this point? Not really. Can I? With Jehovah's blessing and holy spirit, there is no doubt I can. Here's to continued growth and forever serving my God.

And it has been two very, very long years (much longer than the 15 mentioned above) since I said "see you later" on 1-11-2010 to the creature I loved more than any other. My Ronin Jacob. My baby boy. My friend. My companion. My laughter. He filled a special place in my life and heart that no other could. He came to me at just the right time and stayed until he could no longer endure the pain of his illness. Perhaps you will be surprised to know he was my cat, not a child and not a spouse or even a fellow human being. But he was so much more than that to me and always will be. I loved him as much as any mother loves her human son. I am sure of that. I miss him more today than I ever have and am so honored and blessed to have shared his life for those 11 wonderful years. You have no idea how much I wish you were here, my sweetness!

God I love that little face.  Oh how I miss my baby.

(Wo)Man on the Moon

Just prior to heading to bed this evening, I looked up and there it was. The moon! So bright and comforting. I haven't seen it much since being here in Alaska with the cloud cover.

The moon. Amazing. Simple. Perfectly doing its job. Beckoning me to fly to it and look back on Earth from a vantage point few get to see. I love creation.

Perhaps I should have been an Astronaut. Yep. That's the ticket.

Motherhood and More: My Superpower: An Ode to My Amazing A-Cups

Motherhood and More: My Superpower: An Ode to My Amazing A-Cups

One of the most amazing blog entries I've read! If all women felt like this, the cost and vanity of plastic surgery would be a thing of the past. I like the way you think, Annie :)

Counting Blessings

"Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." Lao Tzu

This quote was brought to my attention by reading a high school friend's blog post this morning. And as I read her post about what are real problems vs. what we may think are problems (she's quite philosophical and went much deeper than this) I give pause and I think....

I would much rather count my blessings than the coins in the bank or the clothes in the closet or the miles I've traveled to get to where I am as a person today. They simply do not matter. At all. Yes I've had my shares of ups and downs and back and forth and zig and zag. Who hasn't? But as this blog post pointed out, do I not have what I need in abundance? I always have. Even when we were homeless for about six months when I was in junior high school we had what we NEEDED for the day. And I was not even a servant of Jehovah God as I am now and this makes me realize he has watched over me, whether I was aware of this or not, my ENTIRE LIFE. Wow! How do you wrap your mind around such a benevolent, kind God and Father? Pause for thought.

And so that brings me to my goal for today, tomorrow and all the days going forward and to say "Thank You" to my God for my food to eat, my clean clothes to wear and my temporary home to keep me harbored from the winter outside. Thank you for the people I love, too, and who love me. Thank you for giving me all I need. And thank you Annie for the pause for thought.