Much Ado about Moving

Well, it's been a saga.  A house searching, deposit saving, potential landlord meeting SAGA.  But I finally found exactly what we need.  Jehovah God has provided gloriously.  It's a small space but with organization it will work well.  It has a storage area of nice size that comes with it and it is right on the river. As Joe puts it:  "Whoo hoo!  Fishing out the front door!"  Indeed, babe, fishing out the front door.

There were two larger, nicer places that I really truly wanted to live in. But the rent would have been a stretch and we would have had to change congregations.  While I was trying to convince myself that these were survivable circumstances, it just wasn't working.  Nothing was working.  The commute into Anchorage got further and further the more I looked or the landlord just didn't give off a good impression or there wasn't space to park the trailer or this or that.  You get the picture.

Then out of seemingly nowhere this little apartment opened up just when I had given up.  Plenty of storage and a place to park the trailer.  Only one bedroom instead of two but more than affordable at $750 including all utilities.  Incredible find for here in the Mat-Su valley.  And it is only two miles from where we are at now.  So the commute stays basically the same for Joe when he gets home if he works in Anchorage, we have fixed expenses to budget for which means we can really budget extra in for bills and we don't have to change congregations   I'd say that's a triple win for the home team.

While it is smaller than I've lived in in quite some time, possibly ever, I am looking forward to the possibilities and the easy housework and the organizing ahead of me.  I told a friend: "If it only had 120 more square feet..."  She said "That just means you have to get rid of 120 square feet worth of stuff."  Good call, Friend!  That's looking at the glass half full.

I don't have much to get rid of, but well I'm willing to look into it.  For now, I am just so thankful that I move into a new home soon and that the trauma of the sell of the rental we are currently living in is soon to be behind me.  I will not elaborate further but suffice it to say that it has been a very rough month on me.

But it's all over now and we have been provided for in abundance.  It's amazing how things just open up and work when Jehovah's blessing is there.  It continues to boggle the mind.

For now, I have my happy thoughts focused ahead on moving and getting settled.  Yay!

Films to "pack" by

You know you've found an incredible movie when you get four boxes packed during it and you don't want it to end.  In other words, little was accomplished.  But it was worth it.

I found such a gem in Amreeka   I am going to go out on a limb and imagine that most of you have not seen it.  I hadn't even heard of it until it played as a preview at the beginning of another movie I rented.  And boy am I glad it did.

It is incredible.  I wish I were a better writer to come up with some poetic phrasing and fancy words to fill this entry.  But I cannot at this moment.  The movie must speak for itself.  And all I can say is you will not regret watching it.  It handles the subject of what it is like to be Arabic and American after the terrorist attacks of 09/11 in such a way that I find myself really understanding for the first time.  To say that all Arabics are terrorists is to say all cookies are bad and must be avoided just because some have raisins, which you don't care for.  Of course that makes no sense.  There are many varieties of cookies one can enjoy.   And I believe that all races have their bad raisins.

Do yourself a favor and watch this movie.  It is incredible.

Another recommend, while I am at it, is Wardance - The Movie.  This centers on a group of children living in a displacement camp in northern Uganda that compete in their country's national music and dance festival.  These children are beautiful, captivating and spellbinding.  And heartbreaking.  This I would say is not for the faint of heart nor for children prior to being previewed by mom and dad.  But to say this will educate you and change you would be an understatement.  I watched this a couple of years ago and still think of the lessons I learned and of specific scenes.  Now that is impact.

Ok so I guess I'll go back to packing now that I've put on some "fluff" in the form of Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr.  Hmmm....Maybe I will just call it a night on the packing and relax.  It is my day "off" after all.

Oh and an update on the moving.  I think we found our place today.  Perfect location, space, and the landlord seems really sweet and lives right next door.  I like that idea.  Keeps things in line and the property clear as they see it every day.  The only downside is that we would be switching congregations and joining the brothers in Wasilla.  But there is one more place I look at on Wednesday afternoon that also looks like a winner and is in our present Pioneer View congregation territory.  Also a good location, etc. but they would require all the money up front as it is managed by a real estate broker.  No negotiating there.  Although it would put a huge burden on us financially and probably lead to a few nights of toast for dinner, I am truly hoping that the one in our present territory works out on Wednesday so that we can keep a routine and stability to our lives and grow in our present congregation.  But the landlord of the one in Wasilla is willing to work with us on deposit and move in date.  And the brothers in Wasilla would welcome us with open arms as well.  I just don't know what will happen.  But I do know that I will make this decision with Jehovah's will fixed firmly in first place and it will all work out.

So on the next rainy day, you've got a couple of movies to find and watch.  And I've got some packing to do.

Upside down, Inside out and every other which way

Well, staying in our home is officially NOT TO BE.  They have everything worked out with the buyers and it looks like they will be making some repairs so that the financing will go through starting Friday morning.  While they are tearing up my home, they are tearing my life apart.  I was homeless for so long before we stumbled, as if by miracle, on this place. It has suited us well and we love being here.

So the question comes - now what?  Well, we have until the end of July to move due to the timing of the notice according to the law.  Actually we have until August 13th if we want to push it.  And that is IF he delivers the notice before the end of today.  That will make things a bit easier for us.  We can breath easy knowing if we can't find a place to rent before July 1 that we can try again for August 1.

So I am going to pack, pray for another miracle and hope for the best.  It's all I know how to do.

Sing, Dance, Rejoice in Life Together

This video of Miley Cyrus singing to a sick young girl with cancer is such a sweet moment that I had to share.  I can only pray the little girl is fully healed by now.  Such a nice moment for her and Miley both.  If we could only all care about each other enough to carry their worries and burdens for awhile and we would see just how beautiful we all truly are.  We are all human and aching for the same human needs to be fulfilled.  I leave you with these words this inspired me to write:

Sing, Dance, Rejoice in Life Together.  Let Life Be the Music of Your Heart.

Ode to Monkeykins*

Children. Specifically my niece and nephews near me here in Alaska are full of surprises. And love. Little Miss Monkeykins made my week and probably month today.

I was feeling sorry for myself again and very tired as well. As we pulled up into the driveway of my house after our trip into Anchorage, Monkeykins said to me "Aunt Tawnya, Can I have a hug?" Oh you bet you can. And you won't ever know how much I needed it back. And if that wasn't enough she followed up with a very sincere "I love you, Aunt Tawnya!" and reminded her big brother, Mater, to "Say goodnight to Aunt Tawnya!"

My mind reels at how this four year old girl knew how and when to reach out with a simple gesture and kind words at the perfect time. I don't know that she really knew that I needed this gesture or if she is just a genuinely loving child at heart. I think it was probably both.

I don't have children of my own but I have come to know from observation and my own childhood that children are sensitive creatures and we cannot underestimate how what is going on around them affects them and what they are internalizing.

Somehow, someway this baby girl knew I needed her today more than ever. And she delivered. Ever so simply. Ever so sweetly. Never to be forgotten.

I love you, too, Monkeykins. And I love your parents for raising their children in Jehovah's ways. Today proves that it is working.

I think I just found my new favorite niece :)

*For protecting privacy I have used my nicknames for the kiddos.

Good news vs. Bad news vs. Very Bad News

Ok. I know my latest blog posts kind of sound like I am whining or complaining. And maybe I am. I am just lonely and frustrated. I miss my husband. A LOT.

Good news though is that I have earned a full time position at work with a promotion and a pay raise. I must be doing something right. I sure love my job. And once I learn the ropes of my new position, I think it will be just great. I just have to make sure to adjust for my human imperfections and work around those as best as possible. But isn't that the way life goes?

Bad news is that Joe is just as frustrated being away as I am at him being gone. I wish he didn't hate it there so much or had at least something to do after working hours other than eat and sleep. Poor thing.

Very bad news is that I warned him before he left that we might have to move because our rental is for sale and could sell at anytime. And it did. A few days after he left. The timing could not be any worse. Moving. No money to move with. No husband to help find a place with and help with the actual task of moving. Not knowing if we are even going to stay in Alaska or move back down to the lower 48 somewhere. We don't even know where that might be.

So, if I seem a little cranky, I am so very sorry. I am just under a lot of pressure and stress at the moment and the last thing in the world I needed was to potentially become homeless yet again. Sigh.

Somebody else's turn. I've had it with this stress mess.

Banana Creme Pie yogurt

I was doing okay until....

Joe left me a week ago yesterday. Not left me. Wrong words. Well he went to find work in North Dakota since we are getting no bites here in Alaska and time for waiting had run out.

I did not want him to go. He asked me what I thought. I told him that his mind was already made up but I felt he needed to stay here with me. But stay for what? Watching us unable to pay our bills and wait for a call that still has not come offering employment or even an interview?

So I have resolved myself to the fact that what will be will be. And I made someone else take him to the airport and went to work as he flew out. That was the only thing I could do and have done since. Work.

I don't know who can relate to what I am feeling save those unfortunate few who have lost the love of their lives to death or divorce. It feels like I have lost my best friend. His smile. His smell. His hugs and kisses. I know we will be back together as soon as we can but in the meantime my heart has been ripped out. There are no other words. I have gotten used to having that boy around every day for the last seventeen plus years. Well, most every day. There was a time he would work out of town during the week but at least he was close by or within a few hours that is. And I got to see him on the weekends.

Right now, I don't know when I will see him again. And it is killing me. I have put up as brave as front as possible partially by living in denial and partially by at least talking to him every day. To top it off, the house we live in is for sale and had a couple come through a couple of days ago. And it possibly is sold. So there we stand. At a crossroads. And the only road I want to travel is the one that brings us back together again.

And this brings me to the Banana creme pie yogurt. I was getting a few groceries. Grocery shopping for the single gal is certainly interesting to say the least. It is a weird feeling. You feel like everyone else has people they are shopping for and going home to feed and you know when you get home, you will be all alone again. Cooking for one again. Going to sleep alone again. Being single after having been married so long sure is hard.

And then it happened. I was proud of myself for having got through my day off of work pretty well. I did some reading and relaxing in the morning and a haircut and brow wax in the afternoon and then our Thursday night meeting at the Kingdom hall to follow. In between, I decided I would pick up a few groceries for my lunches so I could go straight home after the meeting.

I need to get some yogurt I thought. Okay. Sounded innocent enough. And then the flavor I wanted was on the top shelf. Banana creme pie. Sitting there taunting me just out of reach. And I started to cry. Silently the tears slipped down my cheeks. You just never know when the emotions are going to attack and overflow. As an aside, it truly does feel as if he has died at times. The only thing that keeps me sane is that I know he has not and I have only to get on a plane and I would be with him in a jiffy. How fortunate I am to experience this pain to know how blessed I really am to still have him.

To be fair, there have been plenty of things out of my reach my entire life with a height of slightly under five feet. But there has always been my Joe to reach them for me. With a look that says "Honey, could you please?" he reaches up and smiles at me with his retort "I hope you never get any taller. I love reaching things for you." And he does. And I won't ever stop needing him to reach things for me and all the other little things he does. I will never stop loving and needing him in my life every day. I miss you by baby blue eyes. Please come home soon.