Time marches on

I just don't know where to start. How to title this. Or what to say. But I'm here trying anyway. So as you can tell I'm not much of a blogger. But...

I've had a great couple of weeks I suppose. Things are moving forward rapidly and happily and I don't have anything to complain about. Life is rough but I'm still here fighting. That's good...no that's great!

My sister is going through a rough patch...I will withhold details for her privacy... So my heart is with her. Which is what got me thinking of this post. Why do people do the things they do and think the way they think and say the things they say? If we could only for one moment think of someone other than ourselves...well I'll let you fill in the blanks.

Sis, I know it's hard right now and it's going to get rougher. But hang tight kid. You can do this~I know you can.

Why I simply adore cats and kittens.

Jehovah has a sense of humor to be sure. Just spend a few seconds watching this video and you will understand why I love kittens and the cats they grow up to be.....



And another....

Smile! You're on Candid Camera.

Sometimes you wonder who might be watching and what they are thinking. If that somebody were to follow me around today they would be truly amazed. I know I am. I had an absolutely perfect day almost and did some things I never thought possible.

The list is as follows...
1) Worked on taxes. They should be in the mail by this time next week if I have anything to say about it.
2) I chopped kindling. Yes, you read that correctly. I made a whole bucket of kindling for starting the fire with an axe and a piece of wood on my very own for the first time. I am the proudest of this accomplishment but mostly of the fact that I kept all my fingers and am injury free. A rarity for this clutz.
3) I took the Jeep in to the dealer to schedule a replacement for a glow plug for tomorrow and it will be fixed tomorrow afternoon.
4) I broke up all the ice (well 90% of it) on the front porch with a mallet that weighs a ton. Fun times!

So that about sums up my day of fun. I am so proud of my new found talents to take care of things needing done as they come up. I never knew I had it in me. And I am about to be 35. And I thought I knew myself...

Sleepless in Hines

What a week this has been. Tough to be sure. Hard? It is at that. I know that not everyone has an attachment to animals or understands those that do. I am also aware that not everyone likes or even tolerates cats, much less adores them like I do. Well, I adore those that have been mine. But at any rate I do feel the need to blog about the fact that these realities in no way take away from the relationship that my Ronin and me had. It was amazing and a miracle. He was there for everything and especially some of the toughest times of my life and never left my side through it all. He was unquestioningly loyal to me in all circumstances. He truly was my boy. Without me there he was visibly lost. Now without him here I am lost and without direction. I loved him so much that I couldn't bear to watch him breathe his last and had a very trusted and dear friend hold him and stroke him in my stead who he also knew and loved. He was one of the most unique personalities, human or otherwise that I've had the privilege to know and love. What is there to do from here but heal and try not to run out and adopt another baby who needs me? I have my Bearsy boy who needs me and who is lost without his big brother as well but he's pulling though bit by bit. I am thankful he is here. But it is not my sweet baby Ronin. The one who met me at the door, curled up in my lap at night and jumped up into my arms when I returned from being gone too long in his point of view. My mind knows the truth but it hasn't quite caught up with my heart. Well, I am feeling better having gotten some of this out on "paper" as recommended by a grief counselor when I lost my mom. So I bid adieu for now. Hopefully the updates will only get happier from here and I will return to my formerly happy self...different but happy once again. At least that's the goal I've set for myself. So for now, good night!

I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.

Thank you my sweet baby boy for 11 years of love and fun and memories. You will always be my special boy, Ronin Jacob. Mama loves you and misses you soooo much! Kisses and hugs forever. Sleep well gray one. You have earned it. Thank you for choosing me. I will never forget that moment we met. I didn't know I wanted you (I wanted a female). But you knew you wanted me and pulled me to you and jumped into my arms and that was that. You were at that moment my love. It was my honor and joy to have known and loved you. Thank you for gracing my life with such joy and love and sharing yours with me. You were there for some of the toughest times I've ever known and never left my side through it all. Oh how I will miss your sweet love and cuddling. You've taken such a big part of us all with you but you have also left behind some of the sweetest memories we'll ever know. I promise that we will help each other through this, especially your brother Bear. So far he has just wandered around looking for you. He stares up the stairway thinking that's where you MUST be since he's checked everywhere else for you. Only he's not allowed upstairs, as you were not, so he just has to wonder when you are coming down. Oh if only that were so.
I have never been able to be away from you for very long, barely overnight, your whole life and now I must somehow carry on without you every day from now on. Please help me through this baby boy with your sweet memories and love.

That's what friends are for

Have you ever been so down on yourself or felt that you could be so much more than you are or that you are giving up too easily - and thus the feelings of guilt that comes with the aforementioned situations? I have - and I do. By way of explanation, Joe and I made the decision that it would be the best for me to come off the pioneer list for a year to refocus and redirect my energies to both physical and mental healing.

I have been struggling with this so much it's hard to put into words. The guilt, the sadness, the doubt. And then I got home today and checked my e-mail. And there it was.....

A wonderful e-mail from a pioneer school buddy, Jessie, that put such a peace in my heart and a smile on my face. Her words were like salve on my wounds or balsam in Gilead as it were.

All I can say is thank you Jehovah for helping me see that I am still useful and very much loved by you. And thank you Jessie for being there to answer my prayers-though you didn't know it until just now!

It's a bird...it's a plane...nah it's just me

My name is Tawnya and it has been a few weeks since my last blog post.

I have been thinking about posting a lot lately but I just haven't gotten there. Well, I'm here now.

News from here: It's October and it's cold and it tried to snow today. No joke.
Also, we celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on September 30th. It's amazing but I love him more every day. How does that happen I wonder? Well I guess it helps that I find him one of the most adorable creatures and hardworking men that I've ever met in my life. Seriously. He does not sit still when there's work he can be doing. And most of it is hard physical labor. I don't know where he gets the energy from but I do know he's in constant pain and never complains. He just takes it one thing at a time and gets it done. I look up to him so much and am so thankful he chose me to be his Mrs. Happy Anniversary, Mister!

Okay, enough with the mushy stuff. What else is new? Not much really. Just been taking things day after day and tackling things one at a time as best I can.

I do have some exciting news. I now have Sundays off until school is out as I switched with a coworker so she can be at home with her son after school to help with homework. I am hoping soon to have weekends off. Even if that means going back to housekeeping from the front desk and taking a pay cut. I don't care at this point. Everything fun and most everything theocratic happens on the weekends. I am so frustrated with not being able to take part in the activities with the friends I am invited to. Even more frustrating is to have to ask permission and hope that my boss is willing to cover my shift if I want to take part in anything theocratic that is "optional" like kingdom hall building projects. I was just invited to take part in one in two weeks for the first time ever. But then I realized I haven't been able to get the safety meeting done yet and cannot be on site without it. All the safety meetings I've known about are held on...wait for it....Saturdays. And I haven't been able to get it arranged due to various reasons to be able to get to one yet. As a result, I've missed out on my very first opportunity ever to be at a kingdom hall build. I am so frustrated and saddened by this. I am going to talk to my boss asap. Working weekends is so over!